Was leaving painful? Absolutely.

"Letting go isn’t the end of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life.” ~Unknown

I think on some level we knew, even then, that we shouldn’t get married, that things weren’t that great, but people were starting to ask, and everyone (including us) assumed that we would get married. So we did what we were “supposed” to do.

Honestly, I think my decision to move away was harder for me. Maybe because it made things seem more final.

So here I am, hopefully wiser, looking back at that time in my life and thinking…


Was leaving painful?


Absolutely.

It was horribly hard to leave what I had known for the previous years: a spouse, a home, a friendship. How do you walk away from the one who was your closest connection for that long?

Was creating a new life scary?

Terrifying.

Starting over is hard, really hard, especially when you feel like you failed at holding together something as important as a marriage.

So what have I learned?


I need room to grow.

 In that relationship, I didn’t have space and freedom to explore myself; my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs and it was stifling. When I had a new idea, I usually received harsh criticism and derision.
Understanding ourselves, and what we stand for, is vitally important to our happiness, and we need room to figure those things out.

Relationships need to be elastic. When we stretch past the boundaries of what we know in the relationship, those boundaries either expand to hold the new ideas or they crack and fall apart.
I was stretching, and the relationship was trying to restrict me. Eventually it couldn’t take the strain.

I had to let go.


Letting go of that relationship meant letting go of people's expectations about what my life should be (including my own). It was so hard, and it felt like everything I knew was falling apart, like the world was crumbling around me.

But there is so much possibility without those expectations. Starting over gave me an opportunity to craft a new life for myself in ways I had never imagined.

Yes, it was hard. Yes, it was scary. I hope I never have to start from scratch again, but now I know that I have a choice.

We all have choices. We can choose our direction, every single day.

Go sometimes means letting it all go.

We talked about remaining friends (and I know some of my friends have made that work), but honestly, we couldn’t remain friends and still move on. I left it all behind and started fresh.
When you rebuild a house that has been damaged by a fire or other disaster, you don’t just start building on top of what is there. If you do, it will quickly fall apart again. First, you have to remove the debris and get back down to the most solid foundation.

The solid foundation in my life is me. Always. I had to let go so that I could find myself.
These lessons are relevant for any relationship.
Whether it’s a romance, a friendship, or even family relationship, sometimes you have to take a hard look and make a hard choice. Even if the choice is to stick it out and not let go.

When you take the time to really know yourself, know your values, know your beliefs, know what is important to you, you can make the right choice, even when it’s hard.

Maybe someone out there, feel the same exact way I do right now.
Because this is life and it's not supposed to be easy, or perfect. Because even if it was, we'd all still have something to complaining about. So me, I just hang in there. Whatever is going wrong, will eventually go right. Whether it's friends, family, or boys. Nothing will ever be damaged forever.

Like they say, in the end you're happy. And if you're not happy, well then it's not the end now is it?

If we know a relationship needs to end, we can accept that and we’ll try our best to stay firm with the decision. But it doesn’t mean that we’ve made peace in our heart with the situation.

People need to work out their personal issues before they can have a true relationship with another person, myself included again. And sometimes the best, most compassionate approach is to completely separate yourself from that person so that you can work your stuff out instead of dragging it out or pretending the issues aren’t there.

But the truth is there are no simple step-by-step instructions for knowing when it’s time to move on. Surely there are signs. But the most important is that small knowing voice within that says something isn’t right, and it can’t be fixed.

It may never be easy to admit this. Endings always lead to uncertainty, and that can be terrifying.
But they also beget new beginnings, and new opportunities for relationships that don’t leave us feeling depleted and defeated.

How do we know when it’s time to move on? It’s when we find the courage to be honest with ourselves and acknowledge that staying will do more harm than good.
We’re the only ones who can admit this to ourselves. And we’re the only ones who can change our lives for the better by finding the strength to walk away.

So, here I am..